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Graduate Essay Samples Educational Action

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Theses/Dissertations from 2017

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Supporting Conflict Resolution in an Early Childhood Montessori Environment, Megan C. Andrews

 

Small Group Math Instruction in the Middle School Classroom, Jessica Balt

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Small Group Math Instruction in the Middle School Classroom, Jessica Balt

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Using Mindfulness to Self-Regulate in the Upper Elementary Classroom, Ashleigh L. Bartz

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The Impact of Implementing Core Curriculum in an Outdoor Classroom on Primary-Aged Students’ Academic Achievement, Meghan Best, Claire Dickinson, Courtney Hugstad-Vaa Leer, and Molly Kalina

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The Affects of Nature Based Learning on Children’s Eco-centric Attitudes, Nicolette A. Bidell

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The Behavioral Effects of Learning Outdoors, Shannon Bjorge, Tracy Hannah, Peggy Rekstad, and Tara Pauly

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The Effect of Student-Led Conferencing at School and at Home on Goal-Setting, Goal-Fulfillment, Effort, Achievement, Intrinsic Motivation, and Satisfaction for Montessori Lower Elementary 3rd Year Students., Timothy David Blake Schwartz

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Movement Interventions for Appropriate and Coordinated Movement, Brianna N. Blasberg

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Storytelling and Emotional Response to Conflict, Angela K. Boris

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The Effects of Parent-Teacher Communication using Digital Tools in Early Elementary and Middle School Classrooms, Stephanie Bosch, NaTeal Bosch, Emily Takekawa, Tanya Walther, Aleksandra Rieland, Sarah Hochhalter, and Kylie Cline

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Will the YouCubed Math Program Improve Upper Elementary Students’ Mathematical Mindset?, Nancy A. Bradtmiller

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The Effects of Music and Visual Cues on Transition Time in a Multi-aged 3-5 Year Old Montessori Classroom, Jessica S. Brock

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The Effects of Using Computer and iPad Story-Writing Applications for Creative Writing with Kinder Year Students in a Montessori Early Childhood Program, Ruth Ann Christensen

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The Impact Of Creating A Positive Culture For Feedback Within The Secondary Career & Technical Education Classroom, Jennifer Denault, Kristine Hintz, and Kelsey Thielges

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The Effects of Pre-teaching Vocabulary, Along with Peer Collaboration, on Student Comprehension of Social Studies Texts at St. Cloud Tech High School, Molly Denne

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Goal Setting and Choice on Student Motivation, Donna K. Dodge

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"Effects of Front-loading Vocabulary for English as a Second Language Learners, Mandy L. Downs

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The Effects of Collaboration on Teacher Empowerment, Brittany Kay Feinauer

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The Effects of Technology on ELL Students Writing Fluency, Aristea Goundouvas

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Grace and Courtesy in Living with Conflict in the Montessori Children’s House, Katie J. Gregoire

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The Importance of Student Talk and Strategies for Promoting Classroom Conversations, Danelle Imbertson

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Montessori Parent Education: An Action Research Report, Sarah C. Irving

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Effects of Mentorship on Teacher Classroom Preparedness at the Secondary Level, Kent Janikula

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Does storytelling affect story writing in a Lower Elementary classroom?, Jennifer N. Johnson

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Effects of Grading on Student Learning and Alternative Assessment Strategies, Roxanna M. Krawczyk

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Building Peer Independence among Children, Sienna D. Kuhn

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The Effects of Montessori’s “Walking on the Line” Activity on Student Engagement and Concentration, Emily S. Leutgeb

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How Acts of Kindness Facilitate Prosocial Behaviors in an Early Childhood Montessori Classroom, April L. Malley

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Choice and Growth Mindset, Neysa B. Matt

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Practicing Freedom: effects of personal anti-racist engagement on a Montessori educator's experience, Maggie McCaffrey

 

Supporting Phonemic Awareness in a Montessori Children’s House, Molly G. McDermott

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Supporting Narrative Writing Proficiency and Engagement in a Montessori Upper Elementary Classroom through the Writing Workshop Model and 6+1 Traits of Writing, Kirstin A. Nordhaus

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Discovery Education Techbook Use as a Montessori Science Resource, Michelle S. Oliver

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Effects of the Remind App on Parent-Teacher Communication at a Mixed-Income Middle School, Allison Opp and Kelsey Nisbet

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The Impact of Computer-Generated Feedback on Student Perceptions of Revision Process, Elsie K. Peterson

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Incorporation of Blogging in a Middle School Spanish Classroom, Teresa Petrin

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The Effect of Background Baroque Music on Work Accomplishment and Student Concentration on Days of Rapid Weather Changes., Dayani A. Pieri

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Best Practices on Teaching Letter-Sound and Nonsense Word Fluency, Kirsten Rossum and Jessica Bosma

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The Effect of Parent Nights on Parents’ Involvement in Homework Support for Children, Samantha Thelemann

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Anti-Bias Work on Self-Identity in a Primary Montessori Classroom, Lauren A. Tift

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The Effects of Calming and Cardiovascular Movement Breaks on Mathematical Fact Fluency, Ross Tollgaard and Jennifer Cuchna

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The Effect of Handwriting Without Tears on Montessori Four-year-olds' Handwriting Ability, Shelley B. Valdez

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Effect of Self-Regulatory Behaviors on Task Completion, Leslie M. Wertz

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The Effects of IXL Practice on Geometry and Fraction Achievement, Amanda Wood and Amy Hudspith

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Aerobic Exercise and its Effect on Students’ Readiness to Learn, Shanan K. Zollinger

Theses/Dissertations from 2016

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Effects of Peace Education and Grace and Courtesy Education on Social Problem-Solving Skills and Social Awareness, Anna Aarre

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The Effects of Reviewing a School’s Mission and Vision on Teacher Stress, Erica J. Adams

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Filling the Gap: Phonological Awareness Activities for a Montessori Kindergarten, Shauna A. Aranas

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Cooperative Activities to Reduce Aggression in Young Children, Kristin R. Beardsly Schoenherr

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Grammar Instructional Strategies and Application, Brandon Becker and Jacob Westman

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Developing Fluent First-Grade Readers Using Repeated Readings, Gina Bernhagen, Angela Fischer, and Jana Job

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The Effects of Mindfulness on Students’ Attention, Rose Bringus

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T he Effects of Work Journals, Portfolios, and Cosmic Education on Intrinsic Motivation in an Upper Elementary Montessori Environment, Heather R. Brown

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Valorization of the Adolescent Personality, Maribeth Brown

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The Effects of Reading Fluency in the Elementary Montessori Classroom, Melissa R. Bullerman and Ashley M. Godinez

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Peer Tutoring and Cooperative Groups in the Dual Language Classroom, Cristina I. Celis

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The Effects of Purposeful Work, Structured Play, and Leadership Meetings on Aggressive and Destructive Behaviors, Hannah R. Cohen

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Mindfulness-Based Practice in an Elementary Classroom, Lauren M. Coiner

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The Effects of Social Stories on the Problem Solving Skills of Preschoolers, Sara Cramer

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Transition Strategies in Early Childhood Settings, Crystal P. Cunningham(Black)

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Finding Better Ways: Exploring techniques to support Native American and Low-income Students in a Middle School, Wade Curren, Julie Curren, Caitlin Draper, and Ben Schiermeister

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Increasing Number Sense through Mathematical Discourse in the Primary Classroom, Julie Danielowski

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Implementation of Self-regulation and Conflict Resolution Strategies through Conscious Discipline in an Early Childhood Classroom, Alyssa F. Dapolito

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The Effects of Character Education on Social-Emotional Behavior, Diane M. Dodds

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Parent Communication and Earthquake Safety, Damir Dzafic

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Work Conferences and Student Engagement, Hannah K. Ebner

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Peer Teaching and Social Interaction, Jacqueline A. Edman and Elsabet J. Roth

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Helping Third-Grade Students with Task Management in a Montessori Classroom, Jessica H. Fabel

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Increasing Student Learning through Arts Integration, Codi Feland, Kylie Petrik, and Jacob Larson

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Mindfulness Intervention: Usefulness In Elementary Classrooms In Regards To Transitions And Collaboration, Jessie M. Filkins

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The Effects of Motivational Strategies to Increase Teachers’ Commitment and Enthusiasm, Donna A. Fiumara

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The Effects of Technology on Students’ Retention of Letters and Sounds, Amanda Garcia

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Close Reading Strategies for Difficult Text: The Effects on Comprehension and Analysis at the Secondary Level, Kimberly Goblirsch

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The Effects of Purposeful Physical Activity on Student Concentration in a Montessori Children’s House, Sheena M. Goerg

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Engaging All Students: Strategies to Promote Meaningful Learning and Increase Academic Performance, Heidi Haagenson and Casandra Schlangen

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Fostering Self-Sufficiency through Problem-Solving, Elizabeth G. Hamilton

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Grace in the Face of Conflict: Can Grace and Courtesy and Peace Curriculum Lessons create a Peaceful Classroom?, Baer A. Hanusz-Rajkowski

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Gender and Collaborative Writing, Anna F. Hertzog

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Effective Strategies for Increasing Basic Math Fact Fluency, Laura Hoelscher

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Music, Community, and Cooperation in a Lower Elementary Classroom, Heidi S. James

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The Effects of a Collaborative Team on Early Intervention in a Preschool, Tiffany L. James

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The Effect of Creativity in Nature, Jackie M. Ji

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Using Self-Monitoring to Increase Self-Regulation in Young Children, LaToya T. Jones

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Implementing Technology in the Primary Montessori Classroom, Mitzi R. Jones

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Vocabulary Instruction and Student Participation and Retention, Jenny A. Kading and Lisa J. Zuther

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The Effects of Inquiry Based Practices on Students Problem Solving Competence, Antonio Kuklok

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Project-Based Learning’s Effect on Students’ Understanding and Usage of the Engineering Design Process, Allison Larsen

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Increasing Motivation to Improve Reading Comprehension, Katelyn Larson, Kelsey Ledger, and Ashley Mastel

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The Relationship Between Parental Involvement and Increasing First Grade Fluency Scores, McKenzie Larson and Kelly Ogren

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Beneficial Effects of Practical Life Activities and Normalization, Leah Linebarger

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Grammar & Writing: Pedagogy Behind Student Achievement, Cheryl M. Louis

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Using Reader’s Theater During Small Group Reading Instruction to Increase Prosody Within a Second Grade Classroom of Title I, Tier II Students, Amanda Mahlum and Stacey Knudson

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Student Involvement in Gardens and Healthier Food Choices, Brittany Masters

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Purposeful Movement in an Early Childhood Classroom, Dana H. McCabe

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The Effects of Sign Language on Second Language Acquisition, Itzel Mejia-Menendez

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Using Technology to Aid in the Differentiation of Mathematics in a Sixth Grade Classroom, Abigail Morales

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The Effects of Daily Art Activities on Attention in Elementary Students An Action Research Report By Marjan, Marjan Oghabi

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The Effects of Meditative Activities for Primary-Aged Children, Vanessa I. Padua-Evans

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A Blended Learning Approach to Increasing Student Achievement in a Sixth Grade Mathematics Classroom Using Flipped Classroom with Tiered Activities, Krystal Peterson

 

Sample Graduate Application Essay - After

EssayEdge significantly improves each essay using the same voice as the author. The only way to evaluate editing is to compare the original essay with the edited version. We significantly improve essays both for clients who write poorly and for clients who write well.

Edited Essay

As a single mother who has confronted homelessness and poverty, I am committed to reforming public education. I have a particular interest in improving the accessibility of schooling to homeless individuals, single mothers, and disadvantaged women of color. As a result of my own experiences, I am familiar with the despair and frustration endemic to individuals struggling to survive. I am convinced that increasing individuals' access to education can make the difference between despondency and hope. I am applying for my doctorate in educational leadership so that I can pursue my life-mission: to make education accessible to all.

I began preparing for this mission by volunteering as an intake coordinator at the Christian Assistance Ministry (CAM). Although I had many responsibilities, the role that consumed most of my time and energy was interviewing clients and assessing their physical and emotional needs. One of my greatest contributions was streamlining and updating the paperwork associated with CAM's intake process. I also generated an updated resource list that included many service agencies in the Houston area. By personally contacting each agency to acquire contact information and to learn about its services, I facilitated greater communication between service organizations and ensured that my clients had access to necessary aid.

In my present position as Research Analyst at SeaNet, my primary role is ascertaining the needs of client networks. As an umbrella group, SeaNet has only limited contact with small business development centers, and my job is to ensure that our organization meets these centers' needs. When I took the initiative to send out surveys asking agencies to rate our group's effectiveness, I received an overwhelming response. The information I compiled was so revealing that it was published in the quarterly report that is sent to our funding agency in Washington, D.C. In addition, I have been involved in a number of special, innovative projects. Recently, I analyzed the availability of renewable energy resources in Southern Texas in tandem with The Economic Development Center, Solar Energy, Brooks Air Force Base, and research universities in Texas.

As part of my master's thesis, I collaborated with Upward Bound, Peace Center, and the Davis Education Foundation to underline the importance of community cooperation in public schools. I also provided informational brochures and handouts detailing other such organizations that could assist with the individualized needs of schools. I was gratified when my efforts resulted in teachers and administrators contacting several of the organizations I had mentioned so that the organizations could start outreach in their educational districts.

Although I have not yet been employed in the educational sector, my master's work, as well as my life experiences, has given me a nuanced and sophisticated knowledge of the educational field. I have acted as a mentor at Davis Middle School for many years and have tutored a number of home-schooled children. When my own children attended school, I was involved in their schools' organizations and often took on a leadership role on educational committees. I served on many boards and was active in assisting both instructors and administrators. Fifteen years of experience has familiarized me with the diverse needs of Houston's students, and it has prepared me to act on their behalf.

My short-term goals include advancing my knowledge of quantitative research using programs such as SPSS and Microcas, and acquiring a sophisticated understanding of how to become a leader in the educational field. I wish to use these skills to promote empirical studies in education that can help direct educational reform.

I am attracted to the doctoral program at Texas A&M for precisely this reason. Only Texas A&M offers the kind of collaborative experience that suits my personal needs and professional goals. Over the past four years, I have seen the department blossom into a challenging and innovative program. I am excited about the program's direction and its emphasis on practical application. I appreciate that every course offers the opportunity for independent research, and that the faculty is open to student suggestions for improvement. The flexibility and patience of the faculty and the talent of the students makes Texas A&M a singular choice for my doctoral degree.

My long-term goal is to use my past experience and Texas A&M training to help make education accessible to all, particularly the underprivileged. Whether I am working in the public or private sector, I look forward to addressing the nation's urgent need to educate its citizens efficiently and comprehensively.

Customer's Comments

"I liked the total restructuring of the essay, and the ability of your editor to fill in the blanks with some fairly accurate examples and descriptions just from context. I obviously knew that my essay needed some work and I could not grasp how to fix it. However, your editor gave me a sigh of relief. His structural changes made sense to me and the overall flow and strength of the essay improved. I don't think I could have done this if I spent a year writing just this essay. I am convinced now that your service is good and I will surely use it again."

Critique

Click Here for the Edited Version.

Dear Jane,

I read your personal statement with great interest. You do a good job of showing the reader your diligent preparation for a career in education. By emphasizing your research-oriented background and your practical experience in the educational sector, you show that you have the knowledge and resolve to excel in a doctoral program.

However, there are ways in which your essay could be improved. My comments in this critique describe ways to make your writing more vivid and offer recommendations on how to make your statement more convincing.

Many of the changes I made to this essay were confined to the sentence level. I reworked awkward phrases, varied your vocabulary, adjusted diction, and improved the direction and flow of your writing. I also made subtle but significant changes such as eliminating redundant sentences like, "My purpose for seeking a [doctorate in education] is to expand my knowledge of theory and research as it pertains to education."

I also read your essays with a careful eye toward whether you effectively answered the question. In addition, I closely examined your statements, determining whether more detail or a fresh approach was needed to improve the effectiveness of your essay. Upon review, I feel confident that you addressed all the aspects of this multi-pronged topic, but I have made a number of suggestions for how to improve your essay's delivery.

The overall content of your essay was strong, but its expression was awkward at times. I agree that your essay needs a "stronger sense of purpose," and I believe that the reason your essay feels "wishy-washy" is that you do not have strongly-articulated goals. Broad career objectives like, "establishing a network of scholars and future administrators participating in a rigorous intellectual process," are too vague; you need to give your reader a precise sense of what you want to do.

Your essay will be much more persuasive if you articulate specific intermediate and long-term career goals. Because you have already accomplished significant work in the educational field, the committee will expect you to have clearly-defined objectives in your doctoral studies. Given your experience, you may want to discuss your specific plans for your dissertation.

Here are my specific comments on each individual paragraph of your essay:

Paragraph 1

Your introduction suffered from an excessive reliance on circular logic ("I seek an education because I am interested in education. I want to fine-tune my research skills because research skills are important to a career in education."). Sentences like these obscure rather than clarify your goals, and I sought to make your writing more active and transparent. I eliminated your entire first paragraph and incorporated your discussion of "purpose" into a new engaging introduction.

I also liked this paragraph's allusion to your role as a "reformist." Nonetheless, I felt that this passage would be stronger if you did more to define this term. What do you want to reform? Can you give concrete examples?

"I have struggled hard to get myself out of this situation..."

I liked the passion you convey in this sentence, but you need to maintain a formal, almost reserved voice in academic writing. See my suggestion for alternative wording that does a better job of capturing your experience and of demonstrating how that experience has influenced your decision to seek an advanced degree.

Paragraph 2

This paragraph did a good job of describing your work at the Christian Assistance Ministry. Nonetheless, your argument digressed somewhat during your discussion of the difficulties faced by social workers. This paragraph is most effective if you focus on your accomplishments and on the needs of your clients.

Also, please note that even though the refined paragraph is more concise than your original, it still retains all the significant content. The ability to condense and synthesize information is highly prized by admissions committees.

Paragraph 3

This paragraph required more up-front details. You mention some diverse research experiences, which is good, but you should also cite the title of your position and describe your primary responsibilities.

Because the name of your company implies that you do small business development, a reader might be confused by your research in seemingly unrelated fields. Be sure that I accurately conveyed the essence of your professional responsibilities in my revised version of this paragraph.

Paragraph 4

To ensure that your description of the learning center is intelligible, I added more details to place this discussion in context.

"I am also an advocate of 21st Century Learning Centers that would provide a safe refuge for the millions of latch-key children in this country that go home to an empty house on any given school day."

You need to be more exacting in your transition sentences. By using a transition sentence like this, the reader assumes your entire paragraph will describe your work with latchkey children. As a result, your treatment of other topics catches the reader off guard.

"I also provided information in the form of brochures and handouts about other such organizations that could assist in the needs of their own schools."

This sentence does not tell the reader enough about your experience. Whenever you write, be sure that a reader who is unfamiliar with your accomplishments will understand the subject, object, and action of each sentence.

Please note that the term "advocate" could apply to either paid or unpaid work. You should specify the exact capacity in which you worked, especially as this is important to placing your accomplishment in perspective.

Finally, if you have time, you may wish to rework this section. A thorough description of one particular project (perhaps your thesis topic) would be much more persuasive than a list of numerous activities.

Paragraph 5

I do not think this paragraph adds much to your essay. You need to prove your qualifications through examples rather than simply describe them to reader.

"I have a very hard working and decisive character that has earned me a 4.0 GPA."

This sentence is a good example of an uncorroborated assertion. Although you are undoubtedly hard working and decisive, you need to prove it to the reader through concrete examples.

Paragraphs 6 to 8

As I mentioned in the first section of my critique, your essay will be stronger if you cite more specific goals. See my suggestions in the text, and be sure to elaborate on your specific areas of interest.

I suggest concluding your essay with the description of your long-term goals. Reemphasizing your desire to make education accessible to all is a great way to conclude your essay, and it brings your statement to a resonant close.

Overall, this is an excellent start to a compelling essay. Keep in mind that although the committee allows you to write up to five pages, three double-spaced pages is usually adequate. Feel free to add more detail, but make sure your text is concise and transparent. You might consider "writing" ideas and then "rewriting" them. Too often, authors put ideas onto the page, but do not render those ideas compellingly. Giving your sentences a bit of extra effort, and giving your experiences a bit of extra reflection, will result in a persuasive essay that compliments your accomplishments and character.

I wish you the best of luck in the admissions process.

Sincerely,
Your EssayEdge Editor

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